Guilt About Guilt

For the last 2 weeks I've had to commute an hour and a half each way to work. The down side is that I have to wake up super early and leave the house by about 5:30. The up side is that I get to socialize with people in person. I'm in training and my little class is full of fun personalities. 

I haven't mentioned to anyone that I'm trying to get healthy because, quite frankly, I don't want to talk to them about it. One of the girls is super thin and probably has never had to diet a day in her life. The other is also thin and has said that she's gained a few pounds since she's gotten married. (This is of course invisible to anyone else.) I just feel big and awkward and unpretty by comparison to these thin, blonde, pretty girls. (And the nail in the coffin- they're actually really sweet and funny too- some bitches get it all!) I'm sure that they've noticed my daily salads and fruit, but they haven't said anything and neither have I. 

This morning one of the girls brought in homemade cinnamon rolls. I was faced not only with the temptation of indulging, but was also stricken when my friend turned to me expectantly and asked if I wanted one. What do I do?? Do I say "No thank you, I'm not hungry" right before devouring my Yoplait and fruit? Do I say "No, I shouldn't have that" which is the truth, but also stating aloud that I'm trying to be careful about what I eat (read- dieting). I don't want to answer questions about it- I want to pretend I'm completely happy with the way I look. Should I just eat it and feel terrible later?

I opted for the latter. I know I shouldn't have, and if it was just something that some random person brought in, I could have easily turned it down. But this was a homemade treat expressly for us. I couldn't hurt her feelings. Or my pride. 

Temptation is all around and the struggle to make healthy decisions aren't always black and white. Do you pass up lunch with friends because you can't trust yourself to make a healthy decision at the restaurant? Do you skip mom's lasagna when you know she'll pepper you with questions? Do you pass up on the cookies your nephews made for you? What's acceptable and what's not?

Maybe I should just tattoo my forehead: "Please don't feed the whales."

I know I'm not a whale. If anything, I'm an adorable little piglet. And for now, I'm ok with that.