Goals & Rewards

I've already discussed my reasons for wanting to lose weight. Now I wanted to share some ideas of how to keep myself motivated. I noticed that I always want to reward my good behavior with food, and this is clearly not a good idea. So what else can I reward myself with? Well, lots of things, turns out. So below is my list of gifts to MYSELF when I accomplish these weight loss goals:

5 lb - movie marathon night


10 lb - new DVD




15 lb - new pair of jeans






20 lb - piece of furniture for the home




25 lb - Pt Townsend trip



30 lb - clothes shopping trip



35 lb - spa trip



40 lb - Portland weekend



45 lb - piercing



50 lb - Vegas trip




55 lb - clothes shopping trip



60 lb - tattoo
 
          

Hawaii trip
 


GOAL WEIGHT - piece of jewelry (ring?) as a daily reminder of my journey and how far I've come


At 20lb, 35lb, and 50lb and of course GOAL WEIGHT - Katie and I are going to celebrate with dinner at our favorite restaurant, Adriatic Grill.




I'm also toying around with some rewards for the following goals:

- Run a 5k
- Run a 10k
- Run a Half Marathon
- Run a marathon
- complete a triathlon
- complete Insanity
- complete a fundraising bike ride
- become completely vegetarian (no meat for 3 consecutive months)
- no fast food (for 3 consecutive months)

Resolutions

This is the time that everyone makes resolutions. Studies show that a surprising percentage of us will not actually achieve the goals we set out with in January. I would love to be in the minority and actually look back a year from now and decide that I did accomplish my goals and stuck with my resolutions.

I don't like to make specific resolutions because then if I don't accomplish exactly, word-for-word what I had resolved, I feel like a failure. So my resolutions just happen to be rather vague. But for me, they're still very important:

1.) Make healthier choices. Live my life with purpose and make choices that are healthy for me. This means healthier choices regarding what I eat, my activity level, in my relationships, in my finances. Everywhere. Its not specific, but I think resolving to actually think through choices instead of just going with whatever is easiest is one of the more difficult things I could have chosen. So hopefully in a year I will look back and see that a change has definitely occurred.

2.) Take more pride in my appearance. A friend of mine and I had discussed this years ago. At the time, she felt that she always rushed through her morning routine, preferring to sleep in just 5 more minutes.... just 10 more minutes... just 20 more minutes, until she was running late and showing up to work with damp hair and thrown together outfits. She decided to take more pride in her appearance and now, years later, she's my most fashionable friend. She always looks put-together, as if she put some kind of thought into her outfit. At the time, I thought I tried just the right amount every morning. Now that time has passed, and I've put on weight, I can definitely see a big difference between me at that point and myself now. So another resolution will be to take pride (again) in my appearance. I will always wear sweatpants at home and ratty t-shirts to the gym. But there's no excuse for going to the grocery store, doctor, Target, etc looking like I just don't care. The truth is that I DO care. I just don't know how to dress this body anymore. And I don't really want people to look at me because I'm so insecure with myself. That is all going to change. Now that my Tiny Pride is starting to blossom, I'm going to be excited to look nice!

3.) Don't give up. I know at some point I'm going to want to throw in the towel. And this message is for the Me that will want to give up in a few months:
Don't do it. Don't give up. I know times right now may be hard. Maybe work has become difficult or relationships have soured. Maybe life is just overwhelming, with the dogs and cats, cleaning, laundry, making food. Maybe it seems like counting calories and working shouldn't be high on the priority list. Listen to me - these things matter. And eating whatever you want will not change the fact that you are busy, there are never enough hours in a day, and its always more fun to just sit and relax. Skipping workouts will not make you feel better. It will all make you feel worse. I promise you that. Don't make this mistake again - don't give up and slip into your old habits. Make all this pain that you've endured so far worth it. You deserve MORE than fast food and lethargy.

Tiny Pride

I'm going to just start off by saying that I am pretty darn proud of myself this week.

Not only was I especially careful about what I ate all week, but I also worked out 4 times this week - and here's the kicker - I worked out AFTER work. That shouldn't seem like the most difficult part of it all, but for me it definitely is. Once I get it in my mind that I'm tired, and just don't want to work out, it typically doesn't happen. I normally can justify ANYTHING to get out of a workout. But this week it wasn't even an option - I wanted to work out. So after work Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and today I headed to the gym. I put in hard work and I feel really good about it. My body is so sore, but for the first time in a long time, I have this tiny little pride starting to build again.

I realized for me that part of actually making myself go to the gym is knowing ahead of time that I'm going to make every excuse possible to get out of it, and being ready to squash those excuses.

I don't have time: I've got nothing else planned. Katie's on board with my workout schedule, so she definitely won't stop me. I would just be sitting on the couch if I didn't go.

I don't have any clothes. Clothes, shoes, headphones, towel, etc are all laid out and/or packed in a bag ready to go.

I don't have a plan. I wrote out an entire plan for January for my workouts - including a rest day on Monday.

I just don't feel like it. Tough shit. You're going.

:)

Its like dealing with a 4 year old, I tell ya! I'm just glad its me I'm dealing with and not someone else because I'm already annoying myself.

So all in all, this week was good and it makes me really hopeful for the next couple weeks!

Guilt About Guilt

For the last 2 weeks I've had to commute an hour and a half each way to work. The down side is that I have to wake up super early and leave the house by about 5:30. The up side is that I get to socialize with people in person. I'm in training and my little class is full of fun personalities. 

I haven't mentioned to anyone that I'm trying to get healthy because, quite frankly, I don't want to talk to them about it. One of the girls is super thin and probably has never had to diet a day in her life. The other is also thin and has said that she's gained a few pounds since she's gotten married. (This is of course invisible to anyone else.) I just feel big and awkward and unpretty by comparison to these thin, blonde, pretty girls. (And the nail in the coffin- they're actually really sweet and funny too- some bitches get it all!) I'm sure that they've noticed my daily salads and fruit, but they haven't said anything and neither have I. 

This morning one of the girls brought in homemade cinnamon rolls. I was faced not only with the temptation of indulging, but was also stricken when my friend turned to me expectantly and asked if I wanted one. What do I do?? Do I say "No thank you, I'm not hungry" right before devouring my Yoplait and fruit? Do I say "No, I shouldn't have that" which is the truth, but also stating aloud that I'm trying to be careful about what I eat (read- dieting). I don't want to answer questions about it- I want to pretend I'm completely happy with the way I look. Should I just eat it and feel terrible later?

I opted for the latter. I know I shouldn't have, and if it was just something that some random person brought in, I could have easily turned it down. But this was a homemade treat expressly for us. I couldn't hurt her feelings. Or my pride. 

Temptation is all around and the struggle to make healthy decisions aren't always black and white. Do you pass up lunch with friends because you can't trust yourself to make a healthy decision at the restaurant? Do you skip mom's lasagna when you know she'll pepper you with questions? Do you pass up on the cookies your nephews made for you? What's acceptable and what's not?

Maybe I should just tattoo my forehead: "Please don't feed the whales."

I know I'm not a whale. If anything, I'm an adorable little piglet. And for now, I'm ok with that. 

Why?

An article I read this morning mentioned that writing down the reason you want to lose weight may help the process. We all need reminders as motivation.

1.) I want to feel better about how I look. I want to go shopping and not walk away holding back tears because nothing fits. I want to look in the mirror and smile at what I see. I want to walk through Target and feel like I look just as cute as the well-dressed twenty-somethings or the adorable young moms toting around their equally adorable young children.

2.) I want to feel proud of myself. I see these strong and determined-looking women at the gym and I envy them. I know they've worked so hard for their bodies and I bet on top of looking great, they FEEL great about themselves. They're not perfect, no one ever is, but they've worked hard to get where they are and I want to know what that feels like. I felt it sometimes, when I was losing weight before. Just wanting to smile after a grueling workout or wanting to shout to everyone that you turned down the donuts at work. That smile that says "I did it." I want that again.

3.) I want to be strong. I want to move furniture with ease. I want to be able to climb one flight of stairs without huffing and puffing. I want to be able to walk my dogs and run them out if they need it without hurting myself or feeling as if I may pass out. I want for my hips to not hurt as I walk or my back to hurt from my large chest. I want to be stronger than my body is.

4.) I want to look hot. No, I don't think this is the same as #1. This one is a little different - more superficial, yes. But I want to be hot again. I want to walk with my wife and look just as good as her. I often think people must see us together and wonder why a young, sexy, great looking girl like her is with me. (I've confessed this to her and she thinks I'm completely ridiculous, but what you're loved ones tell you about how you look never makes a difference, does it?) I want to feel WORTHY of having Katie on my arm. I want to be at the gym and have women look at me the way I look at the beautiful and strong women now.\

5.) I want to look good naked. That is all.

6.) I want to transform. And I want my family and friends to see it and notice it. I want to be the topic of conversations - in a good way. I want people to say "Oh my God! Have you lost weight?" and then when I leave, I want them to keep talking about me... :)

7.) I want to be an inspiration. I want to show family and friends that if I can do it, you can do it. I want to be that person that I look up to now.

The End is Where We Begin

Why do we always have such a strong urge to change our lives with the beginning of another year? I never put a lot of stock into resolutions - I always say that I just try to do better everyday, regardless of the time of year. But clearly I haven't been trying very hard.

My story is a very common one - I was athletic and thin in high school and for a few years after that. Since then, I've steadily gained weight. About a year ago, after making some changes in my life, I had lost about 30 lbs. I was so proud of myself. I hadn't felt that good about myself in YEARS. Now, a year later, I not only gained it all back, but I realized this morning that I'm even heavier than when I started. Last time I lost weight, it wasn't easy, but it didn't seem this hard. It just seems that I can't get motivated.

So what has changed now? I'm not quite sure. I just feel like I have to keep trying different things to motivate myself and hold myself accountable. So I plan to use this blog as a way to review my decisions, document my progress and to turn to when I start to feel overwhelmed. I know this journey is one that a lot of people go through. I'm just another person trying to feel better about themselves.

I am lucky enough to work from home, so my plan is to try to schedule visits to the gym, alter my diet watch my total calorie intake, choosing healthy fruits, veggies, etc over the processed crap I've gotten used to. I gained most of my weight back when I was on the road as a sales rep, and my excuse at that point was that I only really had fast food to choose from. Then I didn't have any healthy options. Now I just have too many unhealthy options lurking in my kitchen. 

I started out this morning reading some great articles in Self (I'd already read through this month's issue of Oxygen) and it got me motivated. I went to LA Fitness and did some cardio. I'm already sore! Its just a start, but getting to the gym is easily the most difficult part of my workout. I need to remember to just start slow and be proud of my small accomplishments.

This morning included:
20 min - alternating walking (3.5 mph) and running (5 mph)
20 biking - interval course (around 12-15 mph)
4 min stairclimber - just enough to not fall over from exhaustion!

So thats it - this is the beginning. Here we go!